Finding Solace In Your Arms
by Rook
Summary: "Only now, did he realized that he liked her very much. No, he loved her. But he had killed her finally with his own bare hands. ". Pls R&R.


  
I was always fascinated with the emotions that revolved in Gensomaden Saiyuki, particularly the humor and angst scene. In the series, there were many hints of possibility that there were feelings in Hakkai for Yaone, (and maybe vice versa) and Yaone's total devotion to Kougaiji was more because he saved her from Hyakugan monster and she was grateful for that. In fact, Hakkai saved her many times compared with Kougaiji, made me more the reason to wish that Hakkai should be with her and not Kougaiji. Hakkai's and Yaone's characters are almost similar(always smiling, polite and always apologizing), causing many fans to vote for Hakkai/Yaone relationship. But that's not the reason why I chose Hakkai/Yaone relationship. It was rather the emotional baggage they had to take and the dillema, problems and obstacles they had to face to be together. 

I'm inspired to write this fic (despite my coming English exam) by many fanfic writers especially Raei Dagger, and A. Pickachu (I hope I spelled their name correctly,^) who wrote Yaone's death scene, and also by Shumea who projected Yaone's emotions towards Hakkai in the fic "Eien no Yume". So, guys...especially Raei Dagger, and Shumea, this fic is for you... 

Disclaimer: There's a reason why fanfics are created for.   


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**Finding Solace In Your Arms**

"Yaone-san, please stop fighting. It will either get one of us injured or killed," begged a monocled brunette as he jumped backwards to avoid the purple-haired female youkai's spear. 

"Please, Hakkai-san. Fight me with all you got," panted the girl, as she leaped forward towards her opponent, and pointing her spear in the air, towards her enemy . 

"Why, Yaone-san? I never considered you my enemy," protested Hakkai as he sidestepped to evade Yaone's sharp spear. With quick skills, he twisted Yaone's armed arm and pressed it against her back. His other arm restrained Yaone's movements, pinning her against his body. "Will you stop now, Yaone-san?" he whispered softly, almost huskily to her ears. 

Yaone's cheeks reddend at the intimate contact she had with him. "No!" she hissed, letting go the spear, elbowing Hakkai's stomach hard and stamping Hakkai's foot. The brown-haired youkai yelped in surprise, rather in pain and let go of her at an instance. At that moment, she took the opportunity to leap backwards, throwing a few hand made greanades at him. On realizing it, Hakkai jumped and made a chi barrier against it but still managed to get blown slightly against the wall. The spear wound on Hakkai's arm seemed to be worsened because of the blow. The green eye man clutched his arm in pain as his eyes stared hard at the female youkai warrior who was holding her spears. 

Her purple pinkish eyes softened slightly from determined to concern and worry. She bit her lips. She did not want to do it. She did not want to hurt him any more than he want to. If it were other persons and not him, she would gladly fight her very best to win, with no remorse. But this was Hakkai. The kind, polite gentleman always with a smile, had been there for her when she needed a hand and a shoulder to cry on. His laughter and wise cracking jokes were very infectious and soothing to her tormented soul. There was no choice. Either he die and she lived longer to help Kougaiji-sama against the other Sanzou-ikkous, or he live and she die a noble death. 

"Hakkai-san, your friends are upstair, trying to stop King Gyumao from waking up. I know you want to join them, help them, but the only way you can do so is to defeat me," she told the brunette seriously, as she took up a long dagger.and tied it tightly to the blunt end of the spear. "I cannot disobey the Empress Gyokumen Koyshu's orders this time. My life, no, everybody's life depend on me," she said, shaking her head. Her slim and lithe legs bend with ease, as she moved like a cat, waiting to pounce her enemy. "Prepare to die!" she yelled, making a fast move towards him. 

The rain fell heavily outside. Inside the hall, in the midst of many youkai corpses there were a pair of shadow fighters, fighting against each other. They both danced at a smooth motion, each trying to find fault from the other. One trying to punch, blow, kick and slash the other while the latter tried to defend himself against her, evading every strike from her. The fight was more serious and deadly than the ones they had before. Normally it was a friendly spar between the two, but tonight it took a different turn. The purple-haired girl was forcing the monocled brunette to his limit. Finally Hakkai disarmed the girl. Still, Yaone refused to give up and tried to give him a flying kick. With a quick reflexes, Hakkai managed to block her kick and blasted her forward with a small chi. Enough to shake her and knock her unconscious, but not enough to kill her. Little did he know that he was pushing her to meet death. 

It happened so fast. His green eyes widened and his mouth gapped in horror as he saw what had happened. Yaone's body was flung forward towards the wall, where the spear was pinned on the wall, waiting with the sharp knife in front. Blood splattered everywhere as the knife plunged deep into her stomach. Yaone's eyes widened slightly as she slowly comprehended what had happened to her. She tried to pull the knife out from her stomach, but failed. _It hurt so much,_ she thought before closing her eyes and fell to her knees, resigning to the slow agonizing pain. 

"Yaone!!!" yelled Hakkai, terrified as he made a move towards her. He pulled out the spear knife from her and managed to catch and ease her fall. There was blood in his hands now. With his left arm, he cradled Yaone's head and shoulders, while with the other, he drew chi to heal her. It was no use. The hole was too deep for him to close and he had used up most of his chi to attack the enemies. There was not much chi left for him to heal her. Blood still spewed out from the stomach wound. 

"Yaone…" the brown-haired youkai croaked, shaking her slightly, hoping for response. "Yaone!!" 

Her purple-pink eyes opened slowly at the sound of his voice. "Hakkai-san," she whimpered softly. Her hands slowly moved towards his hand, clasping it. "No, don't heal me," she said, winced painfully as she tried to remove his hand away from the wound. 

Hakkai shook his head. "But, Yaone. I can't let you go. Please, let me stop the bleeding," he said gently, his voice almost breaking. His smile was no longer in his normal place. His green eyes showed fear and desperation, as he tried worked on her to stop her from dying.. 

"It's too late, Hakkai-san," she whispered. "It's too late." Her hands moved his hand slowly towards her chest, where he felt a strange small lump near her heart. "The Empress had injected a youkai parasite inside me and it's growing. When it grows to a certain size, it will control me, and make me do things I don't want to do." 

Yaone smiled tiredly. "Arigatou, Hakkai-san," she said before coughing out blood. "For… giving me a good fight… for letting me die a warrior's death," she mumbled and caressing his handsome cheeks, before falling unconscious. 

"No, Yaone, please, Yaone, don't die," begged Hakkai, panicked as he frantically lied her down and wrapped his sash on Yaone's body, to stop the bleeding. "I can help you get rid the youkai parasite! Yaone, damnit, you can't die!" he cried, shaking her shoulders violently, trying to keep her awake. There was no response. Her purple eyes were closed, her face was pale white and her skin was cold and clammy. Unable to withhold his grief, Hakkai grabbed Yaone close to his body, pressing his cheeks against hers and wept. Hot tears fell down on his cheek and wetting hers too as memories of Yaone and him rushed through his mind. The first time they met and fight each other at the restaurant, the time when she carelessly fought with him before the shikigami crab attack, the time she endangered herself to help him and the others to defeat Shien, the sweet moments they spent at a fun-fair, playing and the time when Kougaiji-taichi and Sanzo-ikkou joined forces to defeat Homura and his followers. They were memorable moments and Hakkai had always looked forward to meeting Yaone, even if he had to fight with her. Only now, did he realized that he liked her very much. No, he loved her. But he had killed her finally with his own bare hands. 

"Hakkai-san," a polite small voice enquired at his ears. He looked down, and saw Yaone coughing out blood. "Please don't cry, over my demise," she smiled despite having to breath heavily. "I'm so cold, Hakkai-san. The rain is killing..."she tried to joke. 

"Hush now, don't speak. I'm here," he reassured her, his arms enveloping her, trying to give her chi to warm her body and heal her. 

Her eyes suddenly lighted up as she tried to grab Hakkai's hand and tell her last words. Hakkai lowered his head. "I have something to tell…." she whispered to his ears, "I really like you," she laughed bitterly with blood oozing from his mouth. 

Her grip suddenly tightened as she wheezed suddenly in pain. "I wish….I wish…in our next life" her eyes blinked repeatedly, as she fought to say her words, "…we could be more…" She coughed out blood. "..than friends." 

Suddenly her hand went limp, releasing the grip on Hakkai's hand. Her head slumped against his chest, with a small contented smile on her face. 

"Yaone?" Hakkai whispered, as the realization came to him. _No, it can't be._ "Yaone?" he nudged her for response. Silent. 

A chilling, sorrowful, animal-like howling suddenly rang the air in the tower, in the midst of heavy rain and lightning. Sanzo paused for a while from shooting youkais, and stared at the direction they came from. The same direction that the noise came. 

"What's that?" asked Son Goku, after barely defeating the youkai enemy. 

_Another reason for Hakkai to hate the rain,_ thought Sanzo as he smoothly resumed killing the youkais. 

Aftermath

Hakkai stood numbly in front of the fresh burial mount, staring at the name that was engraved on the wooden tombstone. The others were waiting for him to bid his final goodbye to her before setting eastward. The war was over and they've won. They succeeded in sealing Gyumao permanently with the help of Nataku taishi, the war fighting god. Gyokumen Koyushu and her aides were now dead, while Kougaiji and his sister and mother managed to escape from the grip of the Empress. _But, why did he feel that he had lost everything in the battle._

Yaone. He lost Yaone. He had lost her in the battle and in the rain. Like Kana. 

But at least, unlike Kana, he managed to give her a proper burial. 

Hakkai fell down to his knees in front of her grave. The land was still wet with the rain water that had poured during whole night. With his own bare hands, he dug a small hole in front of the grave. While he dug, tears started to fall slowly as he remembered how she was buried. 

_He scrubbed the blood stains from her corpse and covered her huge wound with his makeshift bandage shaff. It had looked much more presentable. Her hair was let loosed. Her pale face smiled serenely like a beautiful angel sleeping. Her hands rested on her chest, while she laid in the burial hole next to her favourite spear for the final rest._

"Yaone-san, I know you would be lonely here," Hakkai said after digging the hole. His hand took out a seed from his pocket. 

"Daijoubu," he said cheerfully. "I will plant a seed here. In within five years, it will grow tall and provide you companionship and shelter here. It also have pretty flowers, purple perfumed flowers for you to pick and play," he said to her, as he covered the small hole with the seed inside. 

Dokugakuji said it rained here often, so the seed would be able to grow into a tree, bearing flowers. Much as he disliked the rain, he admit that without rain, everything would be dry and bare. Without suffering and the pain of losing someone, we would never take life to be interesting and beautiful. 

His hands touched tenderly the wooden tombstone, "Sayonara, Yaone-san We're going back to Togenkyo. Dokugakuji is following us back to stay with Goyjo, while Kougaiji; I don't know where he went. He disappeared, taking his mother and Lirin all of a sudden," he explained to her grave, picturing her sitting there, smilling and listening to him. She was so beautiful. 

"Yaone-san," he whispered, particularly to no one. "I never did tell you how much I love you before you die," 

"I think she knew," said a male voice. Hakkai turned and looked up. It was Kougaiji, standing behind him. "Everyone including my stepmother. That's why her doctors infected Yaone with youkai parasite, so that she would not hesistate to kill her enemies." 

"And you allow her to suffer?" the green-eyed youkai asked slowly as silent anger slowly creeped in. His right hand glowed slightly but he did not notice it. 

"I had to. To save my mother," said the red-haired youkai calmly. "Besides she offered herself, to avoid any suspicions on my plans," he continued, closing his eyes, refusing to look at the brunette who had stop smilling. 

"I would have save her if she choose me, instead of you," the youkai prince replied, touching the tombstone almost lovingly. "But she would never look to me any further than a servant would," he said, giving a slow laugh. 

Hakkai's hand balled a fist. "Please, leave. I don't want to see you here," he said, gritting his teeth. He would not kill Kougaiji today, no, not in front of Yaone. "We will one day meet again, Kougaiji," he promised, forcing a smile in his face. 

The prince merely shrugged his shoulders, noticing the silent threat upon the green eyes. "We both lost someone we love," he sighed, ignoring the false smile and cold eyes that seem to pierce him. He was a man of honor. This man may have stolen his love away, but he would not attack him now, not after a heavy battle. He placed a white rose at the mound before walking away, leaving Hakkai alone there again. 

Hakkai turned to her grave. "I'm leaving," he told her. As he took a few steps away, Hakkai remembered something. Turning to her, he smiled to her for the last time. "I never believed in reincarnation, Yaone-san, but if we do reincarnate again, I would find you and give you the chance you never had," he promised to her. 

The sun was breaking out in the east sky. The new sunrise was beautiful he thought as he walked towards the jeep carrying his friends, leaving behind the girl who loved him. 

_~Finis~_

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A one shot fic. I know the ending sucks, but I wanted to add in Kougaiji in the ending. It's not that he was a real bastard, but he certainly would have save Yaone, if it wasn't his mother Rasentuyou at stake. 

As usual, I would like to thank everyone who read this fic. It means a lot to me, especially since I don't usually come out with Saiyuki fics. I just hope that you all would enjoy it very much (bows before exiting).   



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